Automated transcript:

Oh the sweet taste of success. Now that Earthotage Energy is firmly in our grasp, it is only a matter of time before we can further deregulate workforce protections and move into the corporate enslavement of the world! I’ll be swimming in money like Scrooge McDuck! Was this thing on?

In a statement put forth by the Earthotage Energy board of directors:
“ You have given our company just what we needed to increase carbon output one thousand fold! It is all because of you!”
“The rumours aren’t true, Arbitrary Design was never on the verge of bankruptcy. Nevertheless, now that we’ve discovered that our unpaid interns can realize our contracts, we will be undergoing corporate restructuring to take advantage of this. Don’t worry, the important thing is that there is a good chance we will allow you to stick around in your current intern position. Perhaps one day you can achieve an intern position as an intern-supervisor.”Abstract Design's CEO, Melissa McCarthy